Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Bigger They Are...

The bigger they are, the harder they fall, or so the saying goes. Last night, as I was washing my hair in my nice, private shower, in my nice, comfy coach, tucked into the Canadian Rockies between Banff and Jasper, where 911 is a joke because "ain't no phone service anyway", the saying's worth became evident. The fold-down seat in the shower stall, rated to hold a 300 pound "showerer" (a rating which I am nowhere near), let go, actually shattered without warning- and my 6'3" vertical frame was instantaneously dropped and wedged into the bottom of the stall. This is like trying to fit a 20" salmon into a six inch fry pan- some thing's gonna get bruised along the way. Wrenched my foot pretty good, cut a finger on the right hand, gashed my abdomen a tad, and did irreparable damage to my pride. Falling down is embarrassing enough, but far worse when one is bare ass to boot. I let out a reflex grunt when I hit bottom. Marilyn, who doesn't ordinarily move all that fast, came dashing in from the salon to report an earthquake- only to find me scrunched up in the bottom of the shower.
"Did you pass out? Did you have a heart attack? Did you suffer a stroke" Is your back OK? Are you hurt?"
Let's see, "No, No, No, No, and Perhaps."
One or both of us managed to open the shower door, water still running on full. You've seen the ads where the person has fallen and can't get up? Been there, now, done that. Just like sardines do not remove themselves from the can, I couldn't seem to find a position from which to start the initial ascent from the shower pit. But after some adjusting, we managed to extricate my crumpled ruins from the pit without having to remove the skylight over the shower and having the glacier sight seeing helicopter hook on and pull me up through it.
A couple bruises, a few drops of blood, nothing lasting.
I decide I am A-OK. That allows a concerned wife to say how she really feels about her friend and companion and lover and chauffeur: "Good, because you looked like a soft pretzel that had been left out in the rain!" Eh!
There was a good solid hour of laughter that followed. She's still laughing...
And NO there are mercifully no pictures to accompany this report. You may each thank me for that at the appropriate time.

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